I'm learning how to be a better liar

Here's what I've learned from doing this meme: Exaggerate the truths, but don't exaggerate the lies. I already knew I was a bad liar, and this just confirms it. I guess I should be happy about that.

Congratulations, everybody! Out of 4 guesses, 3 were completely right, and one was half right.

So well done, Katie, Mel, Dramalish, and sort of Io, to whom I'm giving extra credit cause she said it was hard and and made me feel better about the fact that, according to the results, it wasn't.

1. In my entire life, I have only eaten one tiny bite of a Pop-Tart. Ever.

True. I was raised pretty crunchy granola and there were very few processed foods in our house. I had a roommate who ate all that kind of stuff, and one day my sister and I decided to try a Pop-Tart, cause neither of us had ever eaten one. It was blueberry flavoured and completely foul.

2. I can speak 7 languages, including Ancient Greek.

False. I can speak 3 languages relatively well - English, French, and Japanese. My German was pretty good while I was studying it but I'd be hard pressed to have a conversation now. I did study Ancient Greek for a few years in university, and was pretty good at it, too, but when you're not reading ancient texts on a regular basis, it tends to fade pretty quickly.


3. I have had a conversation with Queen Elizabeth II.

True. I ADORE the Queen. I think she's absolutely swell. The conversation went like this:

Me: (looked at Queen, made eye contact, and curtsied.)

Queen: And what do you do?

Me: I work for the Minister of Education.

Queen: Oh, do you?

Me: Yup.

I almost died of embarassment when I realized I had said "Yup" to the Queen, but I bet she's used to it. I think she decided to speak to me because I curtsied so well, and because we were wearing the exact same colour of coat.

4. I have a tattoo of an endangered Canadian fern that covers most of my back .

False. This was a completely random fabrication which probably would have been believable if I didn't say it was so huge. I don't have a tattoo at all. I've never gotten one because almost anywhere I'd put one would get obliterated with stretch marks, which every woman in my family has, once I have a baby. I could have been enjoying a nice tattoo for years by now, if only I'd known.

5. If I could have any man in the world as my love slave, it would be Leonard Cohen.

True, oh so true. Yes, Io, I do have a bit of a thing for old guys. And for Leonard in particular. Swoon. And his girlfriends are always way younger than him, so I don't think he has any, um, issues.


6. When I was a kid, I was obsessed with nuclear war and the arms race, and I believed the world would end before I was 30.

True, unfortunately. Have I mentioned I'm a bit on the serious side? Every time I had to do a speech for school, I did it on nuclear war, or the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. It really helped me fit in, and smoothed out the tricky negotiation of adolescence, for sure.


Thanks for playing, everyone. I really will send you a magazine, if you email me your address. I've got some good back issues of Bitch, Bust, Utne Reader, Adbusters, and the like - the kind of magazines that don't really get dated, so I can never bring myself to just throw them in the recycling. If you don't want a magazine, I guess I just offer my undying admiration, which you've already got anyway. So you should really take a magazine.